


Dark Enough

by Kalzul



Series: Sanders Sides Stories [10]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Depression, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I am so sorry, Other, Read at your own discretion, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 22:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14006286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalzul/pseuds/Kalzul
Summary: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING SUICIDE! Read at your own risk, stay safe.





	Dark Enough

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING SUICIDE! Read at your own risk, stay safe.

“Virgil?” Logan’s voice rang out from behind him, breaking his trance. “Virgil, I haven’t heard from you…what were you thinking about?” Virgil didn’t meet his eyes, taking a stuttering breath. “He’s gone, Logan.” The taller boy’s footsteps hesitated for a moment. “Who’s gone?” His voice was soft, “what must you mean by ‘gone’?” Virgil let a nostalgic smile slip onto his face. He patted the space next to him and Logan came and sat, eyeing him cautiously.

“There is a boy…in the front of my class, who I  _swear_ I’ve never seen do anything but laugh.” Virgil started, his voice clear and calm. How funny, how he managed this even he wasn’t sure. “He’s tall and he’s smart, beautiful and strong…and when someone’s down, he tries to fix what is wrong.” Logan listened intently, staring at his own knees. He only needed to listen.

“But…” Virgil’s voice caught, only once, before resolidifying. “How can someone so  _perfect_ …feel so insecure? As to scar his skin with cuts and burns, and still want to hurt  _more_.” Virgil looked to the wall in front of him, not really seeing it. “How can someone so loving…learn to hate his own  _guts_? Drawing a picture on his arm with a blade, as if his mind isn’t dark enough.” Logan sat, baffled, but he knew Virgil wasn’t done.

Virgil tugged a hand through his hair and smiled wider, straining against the agony of  _remembering_. “There is a boy in the front of my class whose eyes are glazed over like newly cut glass.” Turning his head to the smashed window in his room, Virgil’s eyes began to cloud over, only a small bit. “A ghost of a smile hints at his face and he laughs as they tell him “who’s on first base”.

“B-But…” His eyes flood, the tears not falling just teasing him, mocking him for aching over a boy he never even  _knew_. “How can someone so perfect feel so insecure? As to scar his skin with  _cuts_ and  _burns_ and still want to hurt more?” Logan listened as Virgil’s voice grew thick, his own eyes still staring at the discarded glass shards at the base of the window. “How can someone so loving learn to hate his own guts? Drawing a picture on his arms with a blade, as if his mind isn’t dark enough!” 

The smile wavered and shook, but no way was it false. Not when it was for him. “There is a boy…i-in the front of my class…who’s so sad that you find it  _rare_ to see him smile or laugh. His friends tell him jokes, like…that one with the guy…” Logan nodded in understanding, knowing the joke. “But all he does is close his eyes and enter his mind.” Virgil lays back, staring holes into his ridged ceiling as tears flowed down the sides on his face, uncomfortably wetting his hair…but he didn’t  _care_. “How does someone so perfect feel so insecure?! As to scar his skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more! How does someone  _so loving_ …learn to hate his own guts?! Drawing a picture on his arms with a blade, as if his mind isn’t  _dark enough_ …for his imperfections.”

A loud sob erupted from Virgil’s throat before he continued, the smile gone and his eyes closed.  _God fucking dammit!_ “There was a boy in the front of my class…who yesterday took the breath that was his last…” Logan gasped quietly, tears rushing to his own eyes. “He wrote a few notes…”

His kind, smooth voice rang through Virgil’s head as he spoke, as though the words had been said instead of written. “’I’m sorry I didn’t say, but my mind was messed up, you couldn’t save me anyway…and to the boy in the back of the class, who feels the way I did…’” Virgil choked on a sob for a moment, taking several stuttering breaths before continuing, “’h-how does someone so perfect…feel so insecure? As to scar h-his skin w-wi-with cuts a-and burns and s-st-sti-still w-want to hur-hurt m-mo-more…’” Virgil began to sob uncontrollably, curling his knees to his chest as he moved to lay on his side, tears wetting his face as they flowed just as waterfalls. Logan just pets his hair, knowing there was nothing he could do. His own tears had flowed free as soon as he figured out who Virgil was talking about. They sat in silence, mourning a boy they never even knew.

When their class held a remembrance assembly for his classmates, friends and family, Virgil cried. Logan cried. The boy who tried to tell jokes to him before he passed, “Roman” his name was, cried as well as he sat next to Virgil and Logan. No one’s face was dry, how could they be?

“We’re sure all of you already know that…Patton Sanders has passed away…”

**Author's Note:**

> based on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNGEpjXxS10


End file.
